The NEW "normal"

In addition to the obvious - loving on Koda, spending lots of quality time with him and being "in the moment" with him - the goals of each day are 1) to make sure Koda is eating well and 2) to get as much of the medicines into him.

On Tuesday, July 20, I went to the Holistic Vet and picked up some bigger syringes so we wouldn't have to refill them midway through giving it to him. I ground up the full morning dosage of meds and Perry helped me pry open Koda's unwilling mouth. On the last syringe dose, he moved his head and I ended up squirting some of it right onto P's shirt. And Koda proceeded to shake his mouth and splatter the brown stuff all over our white living room carpet. Oh well. At least we got most of the meds in him. I rewarded and praised Koda with more string cheese and a chicken treat after that drama. He's just going to have to get used to the syringe routine. It's here to stay.

The evening ended with a difficult experience giving Koda his syringe meds. He was determined NOT to take them, and clenched his jaws shut. We had to pry them open. But then he'd jerk his head while I squirted, and continue to shake his jowls so the liquified meds got all over the place. Disaster. P and I are frustrated, but not giving up. As we cleaned ochre-colored stains off our clothing, I told P it was still a successful day. Koda ate really well and we were able to give him 99% of every single dose of today's meds and pain killers. And Koda is still with us. That makes it a successful day.

Tomorrow will be another day. Lord, give me the strength to make it through tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 21 - Reality check this morning. Koda is really not feeling well. He seemed more lethargic today. He didn't come downstairs this morning, just laid around upstairs with a dull look on his face. I have a sick feeling in my stomach.

Koda "slept in" so his first meal was a lunch of raw + veggies + canned trout with the Fractional Pectin powder. He ate it from my spoon like a champ! For some reason he had no interest in kibble or cheddar cheese at all today. Strange. I rewarded him with a whole chicken treat - which he choked on. Lesson learned: must only give him the chicken jerky when broken into small pieces. He got string cheese (still likes this) and later a snack of cottage cheese and yogurt.

Koda came into my office for some lovin' later in the afternoon. He was actually "smiling"! Then when I got back on my computer, he left and went into his kennel for a nap. The cancer really seems to be taking it out of him at an aggressive rate. I can see the difference in him from day to day. It is really heartbreaking.

After last nights medicine debacle, we were NOT looking forward to giving Koda his liquified meds today. We had some new strategies in mind this time. I wore an apron, new jaw-prying techniques... and having him sit next to the front door. Why? Well, splattered medicine goop is easier to clean off the smooth-surfaced door and not the wall. And two, we can box Koda in against the door with our bodies so that he can't squirm or jerk his head around - increasing my success rate of getting the meds down his throat. This worked pretty well. Yay!

Koda had a good appetite in the evening and nearly finished his entire bowl of raw + veggies + canned trout. Lots of praise, vanilla ice cream and chicken jerky followed. I breathe a sigh of relief every time he finishes a meal or takes in his meds. It's the only part of this cancer fight that I feel I have some control over.

Thursday, July 21 - We used the "front door" method this morning, and only had one misfire - which smeared and stained Koda's pretty white face. But overall, the process is getting faster and smoother. Thank goodness. We were saying we could use something like a horse racing starting gate for Koda. Quickly forgiving all trespasses, Koda eagerly accepted my peace offerings of string cheese and chicken jerky after the ordeal.

Walkies: Tonight, Koda barely made it down the street and around the corner, sitting and resting at nearly every house. It is so sad to watch this. Just 2 weeks ago, he was doing his usual 1 mile route with only 1-2 stops. He's really gone down fast. It's during these walks that we remember how sick he is. I hate thinking about this.

Friday, July 22 - Koda has had a surprisingly good appetite all week - which is a relief. He's been eating 2 meals a day of raw meat with veggies and the Fractional Pectin. Today I bought some fresh kale, steamed it, minced it and added it to his bowl. I'm spoon-feeding him every bite, as well. But he finishes each meal and gets rewarded with something yummy. String cheese, vanilla ice cream and yogurt seem to be his favorites.

P says it's starting to settle in now, and he feels bad about Koda. He's dealing with it in his own way (you'd have to ask him). I think I've moved into the state of acceptance and just making sure I get food and meds into Koda. Task mode. I think I cried so much the first 3 days that now I just keep myself from being emotional. It's too hard to function that way, and the way this week has been work-wise, I need to function. And I think it's confusing/disturbing for Koda to have a mommy who is so emotional and crying on him.