Koda's made it to Week 7

Sorry for the lapse in Koda updates. My folks came up to stay with us for the week, so I wasn't online much. They came to spend some time with us and to visit with Koda... for the last time. They said their goodbyes after I took this photo.

Koda is hanging on! He's now made it 7 weeks past his cancer diagnosis. He is at a strange plateau. He still has a healthy appetite for his raw meat & veggie meals - nicely blended for easy slurping. He has only lost a few ounces of weight in the past two weeks. He can still go out and do potty by himself. While he has increasing trouble getting up and sitting down, he can hobble around the house at will. And he comes when called for meals or medicine time.

The sad news is that his breathing is becoming worse and worse. We can see him laboring for each breath, heaving and panting. He sounds more mucus-y and raspy when he breathes. And walking in from potty makes him short of breath, his heart pounding loudly. He coughs from time to time. All of this is really hard to watch. And then knowing it will only get worse as time goes on...

Almost 2 weeks ago, he went in for a nail trim. At first it was quite an ordeal for Koda - he howled like they were torturing him when they hadn't even touched his feet yet. The vet techs kept saying, "Remember the breed. Remember the breed." Huskies have a reputation for being big cry babies. Eventually he calmed down and tolerated the pedicure.

The dremel makes quick work of filing down thick nails.

His nails were quite overgrown and probably making it hard to get a steady paw/foot plant on our hardwood floors. They also trimmed the long fur that grows between his pads and toes, to make his steps less slippery. I think this has helped him with walking around the house.

Giving him his meds has been status quo. Seems like the routine we have works. Koda still loves yogurt and ice cream. The nice lady at the holistic vet suggested baby food and spoon fed him a sample when we were there. Surprisingly (or not surprisingly), Koda likes Gerber Chicken & Chicken Gravy baby food! It's cool, creamy, and tastes like chicken - so what's not to like? (But he has lost interest in string cheese and chicken jerky now.)

Koda spends time in the evenings lounging on our front lawn, just watching the neighborhood activity and sniffing the breeze. Since it's been warm, it's been pleasant outside at dusk. Once in a while, Koda will get a wild hair and head off to one of the neighbors' homes to visit Maggie, an exuberant black lab-mix, whose whole back end wiggles when she wags her tail. Sometimes he just likes to go lounge on their lawn.

It's comforting to know that he still has "doggie interests" because we are now looking for signs from him that he is too miserable and doesn't want to endure life any more. I search his face and look intently into his eyes to see if he is trying to tell me he's had enough. But at this point, the sad countenance I see is balanced by tiny tail wags and his eagerness to still go for car rides and front yard outings.

Koda's Will to do what he wants

Koda is still with us... he's generally in good spirits, gives us ever-so-subtle tail wags, and comes to full alert when I tell him there's a kitty outside. Some highlights of the past week:

Koda surprised us one night by coming up the stairs all by himself! Unsupervised! He maneuvered around the blockade we'd set up at the foot of the stairs. P was in his office and I was in the shower. When I came out to the hallway, there he was. We didn't think he could make it up the stairs anymore. He proved us wrong. However, since neither of us witnessed the feat, we don't know how difficult it was for him. But he must have really really wanted to sleep up in the master bedroom like he used to, so he hauled himself up the stairs. He was so proud of himself.

Koda completely relaxed on the sleeping bag at Camp Koda.

Meat Smoothies! - Koda still has a good appetite, however I think the various chunks of meat and veggies in his food are discouraging him from eating. I'm not sure if swallowing hurts, or if he just can't be bothered to chew. So I pulled out my hand blender (immersion blender) to whip up a true meat & veggie smoothie for him. The new consistency was much more palatable for him and meal time isn't such a frustrating ordeal. He's been getting up and moving to different locations while I'm trying to feed him - as much as 5 times during one feeding. So I'm following him around with a sloshy bowl of raw food and a spoon and begging him to eat a few bitefuls before he gets up and relocates.

The only problem (inconvenience) with the blending is that the immersion blender is dreadful to clean afterward. Not only is it slimy and greasy from the meat, there's stringy tendon wound around the blade shaft that has to be cut away with a knife to remove. Slimy, greasy mess. Mind you, I hate touching raw meat. I don't even touch raw meat for our own meals. (Thank you Trader Joe's for conveniently packaged meat.)

Medicine time - Perry and I have gotten the routine down pat - so we thought. Yogurt... hold... yogurt... medicine syringe... yogurt... intermission... and a willing Koda returns when we call. This past week, Koda was squirrely for some reason. He figured out a way to weasel out of P's hold by moving his body sideways and ducking his head back towards P's armpit. We had one messy day of syringe med administration. I wouldn't call it struggling, but more ducking out of the situation.

I think it's becoming a "game" of who can outwit whom - Koda vs. Us. I had to improvise and get creative. So now I sit balanced on my tailbone, still facing Koda, holding him still between my bent knees. P is kneeling squarely behind Koda preventing him from backing out, and holding his head still. Between me and P, we have him in a full-body hug, so to speak. So far, this new "hold" is working and we've had uneventful syringe med sessions. Followed by Haagen Dazs, of course.

Other than these things, we feel like we are at some plateau with Koda. He's not declining rapidly, but obviously not getting better. He's a little shakier on his legs and his breathing is worsening - quick shallow breaths and raspy at times, with an occasional cough. On Tuesday (8/16), it will be 5 weeks since his cancer diagnosis.

It's been so long since Koda has been completely healthy. From when he started to become lame in 2009, to his surgeries in spring of 2010, to the recovery time from those surgeries, and now this cancer - it seems like we've been losing Koda for the past 2 years. When I see other energetic dogs playing, I remember Koda when he was full of vigor and health and feel like we've been dealing with illness and recovery for such a long, long time. It's exhausting.

A sleeping bag, car rides, and parks

This past week has been a good one. Koda seems to be in better spirits, a little more alert, a bit more smiling, and even some tail wagging. Not sure why he seems to be doing better this week than last. It could be the increased pain meds. I decided to double his pain meds. He's been groaning a little more when getting up and down, so I thought he could use some more for any pain he's having. The vet mentioned that we'd probably progress to more and more potent pain relievers as time went on. I can only hope that they are helping him deal with the discomfort.

I took him into the vets for a quick weigh-in: 51.3 lbs., down from 54.5 lbs. He's lost about 3 lbs. in the last 3 weeks, despite a relatively healthy appetite. He willingly eats both his raw meals and finishes with some spoon-feeding and coaxing from us. But he's still losing weight. (Thick fur gives a good illusion.) This is one of the few outward signs that Koda is sick. From pictures, he looks like a happy, healthy dog. I hate to think how thin he will become as the cancer ravages his beautiful self.

As a family, we are spending a lot of time together. P is now sleeping downstairs in the family room, joining Koda and I at "Camp Koda." It's been almost 2 weeks since Koda's been upstairs. We just don't think he can make it up and down any more, and don't want him to fall in order for us to find out.

Koda got to go for some car rides and spend some time outdoors at parks and grassy lawns on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. When I look in the rear view mirror, he looks like he's smiling and enjoying the sights and sounds of traveling. On Friday I took him to Gabriel Park, ready to just sit on the grassy knoll and people/dog watch, but the excitement from the nearby dog park perked him up and he wanted to walk, sniff, explore, and sit for the better part of an hour. Just when I thought he couldn't do walks anymore. The leg that had the surgery last year is wonky and pivots awkwardly out to the side when he walks, but he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. It still gets him to where his nose is leading him.

We've also had some good luck with giving Koda his liquid meds. The whole process has gotten a lot easier. Koda comes (tail almost wagging) when we call him to the staging area. He gets yogurt for coming. Perry has a new "hold" that keeps Koda very still so I can squirt each syringe in one quick second. Right before I give Koda the meds, he gets a few more licks of yogurt... then the syringe dose... then more yogurt so he'll swallow the meds... then a little intermission. Surprisingly, when we call him back from his hide-out under the dining table, he trots back over. It's weird. He knows he's going to get more meds, but he still comes willingly. Such a good boy! The last several days, we've been able to get 99% of the meds into him. No drama. And Koda always licks his dish of ice cream clean after it's all over.

Speaking of ice cream, we have upgraded his frozen treat to vanilla Haagen-Dazs now. It has the most calories (270) and fat (17g) per serving. We need to get the most calories we can into him, so what a lucky dog he is! And I think we're going to start giving him ice cream after both medicine sessions.

We are approaching 4 weeks past his diagnosis. He seems to be hanging on fairly well. I'm not sure how much of it is the holistic meds and cancer diet... all the TLC we are lavishing on him... or God's grace. Maybe all of the above? At this rate, it's hard to gauge how long he will be with us. It's not like we can have tests done to see if the cancer is slowing down or the positive effects of the holistic meds. It's hard to make any plans for the upcoming months. So we just keep doing what we are doing - spoon-feeding, meds, spoon-feeding, meds, car rides, park visits and making sure Koda feels loved.

Koda's made it to Week 3

Well, Koda's made it to Week 3 since his cancer diagnosis! He is still acting like himself, but a more slower-paced, sleepier version.

Saturday, July 30 - I think last night was Koda's LAST walkies, in which he can actually walk. He was sitting down twice in front of each house. And then he just started laying down on each lawn to rest. It is so heartbreaking to see that he is no longer strong enough to walk. And just 3 weeks ago, he was walking a 1 mile loop with nary a stop. I can't believe how fast he is degrading.

The reality of his cancer is back in focus again. While we had a good week of him eating and taking his meds, it was easy to think he was ok. But now he is starting to cough more, his breathing is labored - panting rapidly because of his compromised lung capabilities, and he can't do walkies. We've decided to just take him to the park to take in the scenery or sit out on our lawn now. He is having a harder time sitting down now, too. I can start to see a more pained look in his eyes when I really look at his face. I think I'm having a second wave of denial. I don't want to believe that I'm losing my Koda.

Today I went on a trail run and remembered how Koda used to run with me, so strong and full of life that he would be pulling me along. I remember how he'd look back at me, with that doggy grin on his face. He will never run with me again. He will never walk with me again on Wildwood. He has walked the neighborhood loops around our house for the last time. Sniffed the irises and powered up the hills for the last time. Now it seems we are just hanging on, waiting for the next "last times" of other common things - like going up and down the stairs, eating full meals... I know, I should stop. This is just terribly depressing. But if I don't write about it, I think the thoughts will evaporate and soon be lost within the sorrow that no doubt will follow.

Sunday, July 31 - Koda ate well (with positive encouragement), and we figured out a new hold on Koda to give him his liquid meds. More medicine in, less mess. These things are holding steady - status quo. We went to Cook Park again. No walk on the agenda. It was more like a chance for Koda to sit on the grass, sniff the breeze and bushes, and just enjoy being outside. Fly fisherman and dogs caught his attention. But other than that, we has content to almost doze off.

Everyday, I try not to take anything for granted. He can still (barely) make it up the stairs. He still eats all his food. He still wants treats. He still licks his feet clean every night. He can still go out to potty on his own. He is still alert and responds when we call him. He still enjoys affection. I hang onto these realities, that Koda is still with us. But I know his days are numbered and I'm not sure I am strong enough for what's to come.