Since the last blog post on Tuesday, things have drastically turned for the worse. On Wednesday, Koda started to have a lot more trouble breathing... and by Thursday afternoon, seeing him struggle for each breath - with the sound of mucus congestion in his lungs - has become more and more unbearable. Unbearable to know he is suffering. Unbearable to watch his heaving body and listen to his raspy breaths.
I spoke with the specialty vet who is overseeing Koda's hospice care and he told me what I didn't want to hear, what I was afraid to hear. Koda has days to a week left... but he could also suddenly go into respiratory arrest and suffocate to death. Knowing firsthand how Koda is doing, I have to ask myself, "What is Koda's quality of life now?"
I know the answer.
I spent most of Thursday dealing of other household crises, while continuously bursting in to tears. I told Perry my decision and he agreed. With a fractured heart, I have made the hardest decision of my life. And this weekend, we will be enduring unspeakable pain while we say our goodbyes to Koda.
Thank you for reading, caring and for your support. I don't know how life will be without Koda... he's such a huge part of my life...
Oh no. Even though I know this time will come at some point, it's still such a shock when it happens. Our thoughts are with you guys and Koda.
ReplyDelete-Jackie
Hi I know this is an old post but reading your blog about Koda has helped me tremendously with our Harley. Last month we were told our beloved 9 & 1/2 year old Golden Doodle has met. lung Ca. My heart is just broken to pieces. My family is lost watching him getting sicker everyday. I have reread your blog 3 times and I hold onto every word to just know I am not alone, others have loved their babies as much as I love my Harley. I hope by this point you have healed a little. Thank you so much for this blog.
ReplyDeleteDear Alida,
DeleteI'm so sorry that I just saw your post from well over a year ago. But thank you so much for leaving this comment, I'm so touched to know that someone read this blog and in some small way, felt connected. My heart goes out to you and your painful loss of Harley... I know my reply is so so late, and you have probably moved on. But in hopes that you might see this, and I hope that you have found a new fur baby to love. I didn't think I could ever love again, but I did adopt another husky and she is the furry love of my life. I'm so glad I opened my heart to love again. Take care, Alida!